"Girls" episode 1 (Pilot)

I heard a term, "FUBU", which stands for "For Us By Us", referring to works of art created by young people hoping to be the voice of their generation. It's kind of a deprecating term, but fuck that, I like it. And I'll be using it whenever I spot something that is overwhelmingly FUBU.

Scene 1:

Hannah snarfs spaghetti in a silent uncomfortable dinner in a nice restaurant. Her parents are in town for a visit, played by career TV parents Becky Ann Baker and Peter Scolari. (Side note: who else watched Peter Scolari's Disney Channel show Honey I Shrunk The Kids? I remember it as being weirdly good, much better than the movie.) Hannah describes her book-in-progress - four essays, to eventually be nine. "It's a memoir," she explains, as everyone in the restaurant suppresses either an eye-roll or a shriek of laughter. Then her mother jumps in and announces that they won't be supporting her anymore. "We can't keep bankrolling your 'groovy' lifestyle." Hannah: "Do you know how crazy this economy is right now? I could be a drug addict, do you realize how lucky you are? Everyone I know gets help from their parents."

At some point, the waiter offers her more food. She considers it. Her mom nixes, implying that "My daughter will get nothing else out of us."

"We can talk about it tomorrow," say her parents. "I don't want to see you tomorrow," says Hannah. "I have work. Then I have a dinner thing. Then I am busy, trying to become who I am."

Parent visits are absolutely this awkward. Are they coming into town to be your parents, or your friend? You're used to seeing your parents on their home turf. What kind of activities would they want to do? How about that unspoken thing of how you are kind of absolutely taking advantage of their money to eat really well? How about the fact that whatever you're doing is really not that impressive? This paradigm shift, of parents having to support their adult children, is really just so new that nobody has a blueprint for it yet. There should be some sort of process but nobody knows what that looks like. Being a burden on your parents is a horrible feeling, and it turns you into a horrible person. You fear for yourself, but you know that the alternative is real life, something you just can't stomach because it's less than what is expected out of you by - wait for it - your parents. If you're less successful than your parents you've failed, because by God your parents were more successful than their parents. I think we're at this point right now where we all have to realize that we'll be less rich and less successful than our parents. For now, for the foreseeable future.

Also, Hannah brings up the fact that she's not draining their finances, and her mother tells her "You have no idea what our finances are like!" Because parents should protect their children from financial worry. Children. Parents sometimes fail to remember that they're supporting adults, and adults are supposed to know where their money comes from. It doesn't occur to them to burden their children with their own financial troubles, but by not doing so, they're doing their children a great disservice. It's dishonest. Hannah sees their pulling support as having to do entirely with her, so of course she feels affronted. It's because her parents never impressed upon her the fact that the money is theirs, and here's where it comes from, and here's where they're sacrificing because of you. Granted, giving her this level of awareness would be a whole lot more work for them, but quite honestly Hannah might have been a bit more proactive in the first place if she'd been more well-versed in the situation.

That's probably why she was so shitty with her "I don't want to see you tomorrow" outburst. She doesn't want to go over it again. She knows exactly how horrible a person she is on paper and her parents explaining it to her again and again isn't going to help. 

Scene 2:

Hannah and Marnie wake up snuggling, Marnie's top lip hookied unattractively over her bite guard. For such a stunning actress, I love that they introduced her looking hella unattractive. 

Cell alarm goes off! Where is the cell? Is it in the bag? Is it in the pants pocket? FUBU!

I'm embarrassed to say that Hannah probably stole her pajamas from my pajama drawer.

Scene 3:

British girl rolls up in a cab, asleep. Long blonde curls spiral out from under a silly boho hat - we're dealing with a highly slappable yet very alluring hipster.

Scene 4:

Marnie's boyfriend Charlie didn't wake her up last night, because she and Hannah looked "angelic". Hannah makes a crack about how Marnie would look like a lovely Renaissance painting angel, while she herself is more of the cherubic variety. Marnie scoffs at the self-deprecation. Her boyfriend makes some annoying comment that "Hannah's been looking good lately", which is totally missing the point - Hannah made the comment because she finds it funny, not because she's spiteful or begging for attention. She just wanted them to laugh and move on. But people have a really hard time realizing that sometimes a woman's self-worth is not completely stitched to her body; sometimes women can speak candidly about aspects of their body that are less than perfect without it being a shameful confession or a plea for compliments. But then, it's easy to forget that most people (most men) haven't figured this out yet, so you get obnoxious compliments like Marnie's boyfriend's.

Apparently, Marnie and Hannah fell asleep watching Mary Tyler Moore "again". Shouts to female comedians!

Charlie is affectionate toward Marnie. Marnie squirms.

Scene 5:

The already-infamous roommate shaving legs/bathing scene! Marnie never takes her towel off. Hannah, however, is naked, and apparently often naked. Marnie hates having sex with Charlie now. Hannah thinks he'll kill himself if Marnie breaks up with him. "What does it even feel like to be loved that much?" she asks. "I don't know," says Marnie with a guilty grin, "I don't even feel it anymore." Hannah's eating a delicious fucking looking cupcake. Where in New York has bathtubs like that?

An interesting note about body consciousness. Hannah can hang out with her best friend naked. Marnie can't, not quite. Hannah makes a comment on how it "should be the other way around", based on their "looks", but she's not really serious. Because what people don't really consider is that modesty is such a personal thing that often has no bearing on how a girl feels about her body. The assumption is always that if a girl is not comfortable showing her body, she must not like her body. Which is sometimes true, but so often it's literally just an instinct. The instinct might be informed by culture or beliefs, it might not. We all know the standard accepted amount (or lack) of female body coverage for various situations - business settings, formal, family, that old joke about cleavage at funerals - and those unwritten standards are pretty logical. A lot of it has to do with how animalistic a scenario is. So business, is probably the least animalistic (barring a few tired jokes about office politics). Formal occasions are slightly more animalistic because of the social peacocking aspect, and the emphasis on looking your best (which naturally partly means looking as sexually appealing as you can manage). Clubbing is obviously the most animalistic activity we participate in. And how a girl chooses to display herself (keeping these loose cultural expectations in mind), is absolutely no-one's decision but her own. (I mean, while she's growing up, it's good to have some guidance, preferably from a mother figure, but adult women have absolute prerogative.) So there's no power dynamic at play here between Marnie and Hannah, even though one could have been inferred in a less well-written scene. And there's absolutely no resentment on Hannah's part, or condescension on Marnie's part. They're just really great friends. Sistuhs.

Scene 6:

British girl (Jessa) rolls into her cousin Shoshanna's apartment. Shoshanna wears that track suit that all the cool girls wore in high school and now she looks like a retarded eighth grader. Jessa is her cousin. She's obsessed with her look and is really girly and hysterical, Galinda-esque, and totally dull and annoying.

Ten years ago, Shoshanna would have been Queen Bitch of my class and I would have hated her. She would have had the resources and instincts to dress "cool", and her adherence to Sex and the City would have made her seem glamorous and adult. Now, we look down on her. She has "things" but completely lacks what we think of as "character". Not only that, but she looks down on herself. She can see herself in the Mirror of Jessa and feels like she comes up completely lacking.

Jessa has very little to say in this scene. The show lets her cook for a bit before letting us taste her. If you will. 

Scene 7:

Hannah and Marnie leave for... work? Marnie is a great best friend. She does a great job of motivating Hannah in a practical direction - i.e. GET A JOB THAT PAYS.

Scene 8:

Hannah's shitty boytoy (Adam) never texts her back. The girls run down their "Communication Totem-Pole" for our benefit: Facebook-G-chat-texting-email-phone. (Face-to-face is ideal, but not practical in this day and age.) FUBU!

Scene 9:

The girls are grocery shopping for Jessa's welcome home dinner. I guess Marnie still likes Jessa - otherwise she probably wouldn't be going to all this trouble - but she's in this mood where she just can't get that excited about her visit. "I just know she's going to show up late, wearing an awesome blankety dress from a grecian marketplace, and be like 'Oh, I can't remember where I got this.'" Apparently Jessa's a super bad influence on Hannah and a huge drama queen; "Every time she comes you go on a week-long bender, and then she leaves and I have to pick up the pieces." Hannah either doesn't read Marnie's level of aggravation (possibly out of guilt, as with her parents); or Marnie's just on a complaining streak and Hannah's fine with just riding it out. Or maybe, deep down, Marnie is finished with Jessa, but either hadn't realized it yet or hasn't admitted it to herself yet.

Oh, don't we all have friends like Jessa. A magnetic personality that other people are drawn to, who causes messes that none of the rest of us can handle, who is herself a master at suddenly not having any problems anymore (in Jessa's case, apparently this involves leaving the country).

Scene 10:

Shoshanna's apartment costs $2100 a month! To borrow a term from later in the episode, "Jesus fucking Christ." "Aunt Eileen" (Jessa's aunt, Shoshanna's mother? It's not clear) thinks it's the "perfect bachelorette pad". It's dominated by a Sex and the City poster. Jessa is not only not into SatC, she doesn't realize that it was a show before it was a movie. She's not on Facebook either. "You're so fuckin classy," says Shoshanna. ("You're so fuckin' inaccessible," says I.) Shoshanna classifies everyone by SatC astrology - like, you're mainly X, with hints of Y. "When I'm at school I definitely try to put on my Miranda hat." 

Jessa's story, apparently, is that she bounces around the world doing whacky jobs and projects - she mentions pearl-shucking in this scene. Don't we ALL have that friend.

People are talking a lot about this show as relates to Sex and the City, which I think is appropriate, and I think it was really smart of the show to anticipate this comparison and get ahead of everyone by mentioning SatC in the pilot. Sex and the City is a different thing now than it was then. Now it just comes off as an over-glamification of female life; its main value is escapism. It's not shocking anymore because it's too pretty. At the time, it set the bar at a totally new height, which gave everyone a clear idea of where the new bar was, meaning it's now been met and surpassed a dozen times. This scene pays homage to Sex and the City for its groundbreaking role in television while reminding us that we're in a post-SatC world, and Carrie Bradshaw is no longer the feminist aspiration. It's also priming us for these four girls, priming the age-20+ females in the audience to start comparing themselves to these four girls, because that's where the show's bread is buttered - relateability. That's what the show will lean on during its stumbles and rough patches: the characters.

Scene 11:

Hannah goes for a serious talk to her boss Allistair. She insists she can no longer afford to work for free. He immediately says "We'll miss you." Hannah backtracks, bringing up her paid co-worker Joy Lin, also a former intern.  "Hannah, Joy Lin knows Photoshop," he duhs. In this economy, he says, he practically routes internship requests into his spam folder. And when she brings up her book, he rejects it in the most conversation-ending, passive-aggressive way, with a smile on his face. "Where you going?" says Joy Lin as Hannah packs up her stuff. She screeches, "Will you get me a Luna Bar? And a Smart Water and a Vitamin Water?"

So Allistair doesn't even really know who she is, in that he knows her name and that's totally it. She's so special to herself, because she was so special to her parents, and she is an intelligent girl with a lot to offer, but she's incredibly ordinary and unimpressive to everyone else. That's what's so hard; we feel like we're amazing on the inside, but we're really a dime a dozen. We're undervalued because we're numerous. We are the new peasants. Nobody undervalues labourors anymore. 

Joy Lin is hilarious and I'm kind of sad she's not going to be a more prominent character. "Joy Lin knows photoshop" is an amazing line, because there are a few things that you can just do to increase your hirability and people are still sort of realizing that. If you're smart, and you want to enter a creative field, you should fucking learn Photoshop. And people still haven't totally figured that out, probably won't until it becomes a codified requirement, because people are stupid and they still haven't woken up to the world we live in. Joy Lin knows photoshop so she got hired. Unapologetic, honest, and kind of fucking arbitrary if you ask me.

Scene 12: 

Hannah CALLS that Adam dude who won't text her back and lies that she's in the neighbourhood. So much of communication these days relies on self-presentation, which necessitates a shitton of lying.

Scene 13:

She tells Adam about her shitcanning. "Basically they asked you to stop hanging out there," he truths. He's an actor/woodworker. Hannah waxes poetical about how her English major must count for something, but he interjects: "Major doesn't matter. Mine was Comp Lit and it hasn't done shiiiit." "Yeah but you're an actor, so aren't you always comparing different kinds of literature?" Awww. "Plus i'm into this woodworking stuff," he says. "It's just more honest." LOL. She confesses that she was, until yesterday, supported by her parents, and has the decency to assume he would look down on her for it. He doesn't. He wouldn't take shit from his parents, "they're buffoons," but his grandmother gives him $800 a month. (Please, an actor would never use the word "buffoon" as an insult. He probably took a whole class on Buffoon in college.)

"Someone's frisky," he smarms as she starts to climb on him. She despises the word "frisky". "I like you so much I don't even know where you disappear to," she waxes, into dead air. Other topics she brings up while they fool around: The weather. The Special Skills area on the resume. "You modern career women. I know what you like," he hisses. "You think you can just come in here and talk all that noise?" She's like, what?

He guides her into a position on her stomach that I guess is something he read about in a men's magazine, something that relaxes one's sphincter. Of course he doesn't explain this to her, so she's just left holding her ankles and wondering why he's getting lube. "When I come in here, I want you in that exact same position, but take all the rest of that shit off." She struggles out of her leggings and wooly socks, trying to maintain that position. I realize how awful leggings look with wooly socks and make a pact with myself never to wear such a combination again. "Jesus fucking christ," he chuckles when he finds her struggling, and snatches the rest off. I can just FEEL the runs starting in her leggings. Then he tries to go in her ass and she yells him off. And then she tries to explain herself calmly, which he cuts off by insisting "Let's play the quiet game." She replies, "So you're not mad at me?"

This is a HUGE scene, really the centerpiece of the episode. This kid, first of all, is such a dime a dozen in my circle: the skinny actor twerp. And I love them dearly, just like Hannah. Hannah's attempt to justify his Comp Lit degree is so sweet, even though she knows it's bullshit. This kid is just so smarmy, and a little charismatic to her because of it. He's the epitome of "he's really not that bad".

The sex scene is so breathtaking - funny sex scenes that highlight the awkwardness of sex are really common, but this isn't that. It's honest. Everyone always tries to hide the mechanics of sex because it sounds too dirty, like we're all supposed to pretend that the only thing that matters is the emotion and the sheet arrangement and the orchestration. Which is fine - I'd prefer filmmakers manipulate sex to bypass the ratings board than exclude it altogether - but it's a little ridiculous that I can probably count on one hand the amount of shows which represent the mechanics of sex for any reason other than a specific play for laughs. While this scene represents the mechanics in good humour, it's not really "funny ha-ha".

The way anal sex is dealt with is also really cool in its realism. First off, Hannah totally rejects it because she doesn't want to. Which is great. It's weird and shitty that the boy doesn't give her a heads-up, which is a very bad sexual habit; hopefully Hannah can help him correct it. I love how she wants to talk about it immediately, and is very open about her concerns. And it's also funny about how she as a girl forgets that when a guy has his penis in an orifice, conversation isn't really an option. I guess her mistake here was having the conversation mid-coitus, instead of stopping to talk or waiting until after? It's clearly something she wanted to say, so she said it, but she didn't want to put off sex because she wanted sex too? And she forgot the penis aspect? However, Hannah's apology is the character's major misstep and a huge indicator of immaturity. She was doing so well at being strong, but she couldn't keep the guilt from creeping in. It's this expectation that a modern, sex-loving woman should be willing to experiment, and also that both partners should be willing to sacrifice for the other partner's pleasure; and sometimes people forget that the requirements for anal sex are pretty extreme from the woman's perspective. The sum total is that Hannah feels like she's failed as a good sex partner for not being down to try; but I think in her heart she knows she shouldn't have to feel like a failure.

Scene 14:

Marnie's boyfriend is getting frisky in the kitchen. He asks what would get her going. She's like "What if you were a stranger?" and really tries to sell him on the idea. He thinks that's too weird. The doorbell rings - it should be Hannah - but apparently Charlie invited some guy named Ray, which does not please Marnie. "It was going to be like a 4-person party," he whines. "It's called DINNER," she snaps.

Scene 15:

Hannah's nowhere near her apartment. She's on the big gold couch naked. I love that this kid has a big gold couch; it is absolutely a hipster stereotype to have a recovered, inappropriately ornate piece of furniture in one's living room, but only if it was procured for free. He asks about her tattoos, which are Lena Dunham's actual tattoos. Apparently they are illustrations from children's books, which I've always thought is the loveliest place to source tattoo designs. Except the one on her ass, which is a snake wrapped around the moon, courtesy of Jessa and a safety pin back in college. She explains she got most of them in highschool as a means of taking control of her own body, "Riot-grrrl" style, after a rapid weight gain. He plays with her back fat. He tells her he was also fat in high school (which she's really happy to hear, because former fatties love each other - trust me), but he takes pride in the fact that he didn't "mark himself up". "You're not that fat anymore, you can just have them lasered off." 

This kid is at his worst here; utter failure to read the situation. He doesn't like tattoos and assumes that Hannah doesn't like her tattoos. But he doesn't realize that Hannah really likes her tattoos. What I'm hearing from Hannah, though, is that his ign'ance doesn't actually bother her that much. It bothers her, but it doesn't make her hate him. Because really, yes, Hannah likes him, and she enjoys spending time with him and having sex with him, but he's not that important to her. She never once indicates that she wants to be more than what they are. He's not marriage material, not even boyfriend material. He's not really a friend, definitely not a boyfriend, somewhere in between. And there's nothing really wrong with the relationship. It's not ideal but it's not hurting Hannah. It means nothing to her beyond recreation. Nothing this kid ever does will affect her life. Now, there's a possibility that that will change and she will get more invested in him, or worse, he'll get more invested in her, and she should absolutely not let that happen. If this was an actual relationship and she were my friend I'd tell her to end it, but as it is, I only reserve the right to roll my eyes.

Hannah asks for the time. He refers to his penis and says 5:00. I find this way funnier than I should. It's actually 9:45, and she's is SO late for dinner. But she doesn't seem that choked about it. She sincerely thanks him for the sex; she genuinely had a great time. He tells her to text him.

Scene 16:

That guy Marnie dislikes (Ray) will apparently not date a woman a) under 25 or b) who has been penetrated by a drummer. He's super talkative. Marnie is pissed about Hannah not showing up. Douchey Ray's girlfriend is "not into eating that week". Marnie is double-pissed because she knows Hannah was having sex with "that Animal". Charlie's like "Describe the sex!". The way male sexuality is portrayed in this show is really insightful. It's this whole different thing than what we're used to seeing represented, but it feels so much more realistic - which I guess is the whole point of this show. These girls talk freely about sex - it's not necessarily a big deal to them. But these guys, they can't discuss sex casually. They just can't, not possible. You mention sex in casual conversation, they react like 12-year-old girls confronted with a sweaty picture of Justin Beiber.

Jessa finally shows up. Marnie throws her a key, kind of bitchily because Jessa is supremely late.

Scene 17:

Jessa is kneeling on the couch talking about being a live-in caregiver for a bunch of singing French children. You see? Life experience chick. In walks Hannah! Jessa goes to hug her and nuzzles her, a bit lezzie. Marnie, already ticked at both of them, is sort of annoyed by the display. Jessa says she can smell the sex on Hannah's neck. The boys, once again, are like SEX? SEX? WHAT ABOUT SEX? And Marnie's boyfriend says something awkward about showering.

Scene 18:

Hannah bitches about her situation. Marnie assures her she won't have to work at McDonalds. Douche (Ray) advocates for McDonalds. He's super judgmental about Hannah's high employment standards - "This is like watching Clueless."

Honestly, I would generally be on Douche's side here - I do think college grads need to accept that it's a new day and age and start trying to be happier with what they can get - but it's just his fucking arrogance that's extremely displeasing. Arrogance, in varying degrees, is common amongst these characters.

Of course, he's spouting all this criticism while making opium tea. Jessa "hates opium". Jessa, on the subject of coke: "Every time I do coke I shit my pants." Ray says the tea tastes like twigs. Hannah has some even though Marnie warns her against it, as she's super sensitive to drugs. At first she's like "This does NOT taste like Twix!"

Here's a concept that varies wildly between generations, cultures, socio-economic classes: that which is and isn't appropriate to share. Jessa's "shit my pants" comment is definitely crossing most of the characters' lines, certainly my line, but if she's said "pee my pants", might it have been more acceptable?

Scene 19:

Alone in a bedroom, Marnie gently gives Hannah shit for not calling. Then she reminds her that she hasn't even tried talking to her parents rationally yet, that if she goes to them with a plan they're more likely to help her out. Jessa busts in and asks if Jonny has a girlfriend. Yes. Jessa insists Hannah tells her parents SHE'S AN ARTIST. Like Flaubert. Marnie pushes the job thing. Hannah looks like she's getting hit with a ray of inspiration; she leaves to talk to her parents. The "inspiration" miiiight have been the opium kicking in, which becomes clear as she effusively compliments Marnie and Jessa on the way out: "You are beautiful, you are a vision. When I look at you, a Coldplay song plays in my heart.

Here's what's infuriating about Jessas: they get by. They act completely irrationally and give horrible advice and take horrible advice, but they always come out winners. Sometimes because Daddy saves them, but honestly, not always. It's horribly annoying because the rest of us just don't have that skill. That's why Jessa can just come in and drop that horrible advice on Hannah's head. Because if she followed it, it would totally work out for her. Probably because she'd end up getting a really artistic job really fast because this chick networks like it's an animal instinct.

Scene 20:

Hannah busts in on her parents room really late, I guess assuming they'll be very glad to see her. Then she insists they read her book, NOW. "I don't want to freak you out, but I think that I may be the voice of my generation. or at least a voice. Of a generation."

It's a difficult thing, realizing that your parents don't necessarily want to always be your parents. There's this assumption among kids sometimes that their parents are always there for them, literally always, and that their whole raison d'être is to take care of you. And as we grow older we know logically it's not true, that parents are their own people and raising you is a set of duties they must fit in around myriad other duties, but, well, we never get to hear about these other duties, so they're not as real to us. And when kids turn into adults, that concept - that our parents live for us - is so, so hard to let go of. Mostly because we want so badly for it to be true. When one relies on one's parents' support, one desperately wants to believe that their parents are really fucking happy to do it.

Scene 21:

Jessa's peeing. Marnie busts in, telling her off for "what just went down in there."  Jessa: "I just don't understand the problem. She seemed ready." Marnie: "She'd just got high!" Jessa: "I'd love you to see a real high person." Everything Jessa says seems scientifically calibrated to throw Marnie up a wall. Speaking of which, Marnie brings up Jessa's tardiness. Jessa Europeans that 7:00 was such a hilariously North American time that she didn't believe it. Marnie: "I'm sorry we don't eat at 1 in the morning!" Jessa: "Maybe not 1, but 10! 10's reasonable." Then, completely cutting off Marnie's ensuing rant, Jessa moans "I'M FUCKING PREGNANT".

Conversation sort of stops there, because that's big. And on a show like this, that recognizes the utmost importance of mundanity, I know they'll give plenty of grandness and severity to the pregnancy storyline. I can't wait to see how, if at all, it will tap into the current national (retarded) debate on women's reproductive rights - I'm sure it won't directly reference the politics, but I think they know we'll all be thinking about it. It's interesting to think that anyone else from any other time in history wouldn't bat an eyelash over learning of Jessa's pregnancy. She's in her twenties, isn't she? That's what you DO in your twenties. But we know that a baby is absolutely not an option for Jessa with her life as it stands. She has no roots. Hell, she doesn't seem to have anyone, not really, much less the baby's father. No job, I'm sure. Jessa thinks herself destined for great things, as I'm sure does everyone around her, but a baby will totally derail that train. And how are her young twenty-something friends, these totally selfish products of their environment, going to deal with it?

I feel that Marnie will, at some point, feel like she's been saddled with being Jessa's emotional support, whether or not she decides to keep the baby. Because Hannah is too childish to be of help, and so is Shoshanna.

Then, Charlie rolls into the bathroom slurring about how beautiful everyone is. Jessa: "That's a high person."

Scene 22:

Hannah's parents are seriously reading her book. Of course they are, because they love her. Hannah interrupts them to ask, final offer, for $1100 a month for the next two years. Her mother cackles at the thought. "I am so desperate to finish this book that I am willing to get pretty thrifty on this," says St. Hannah. Her father is "so unhappy right now", he has "such a bad feeling..." Then the opium hits her hard and she slumps to the ground. Her parents are just that much less impressed with her, if that's even possible. "Hannah, I'm not angry, I'm just curious. What did you take?" Apparently her father is familiar with opium tea (he "read about it"); he basically dismisses it as "weaksauce" and advocates ordering room service. He's also traumatized by the sight of her suffering. Her mother, not so much. "You are getting played by a major fucking player," she snaps. Meanwhile, Hannah's feeling the chill of posthumous recognition. "I'm gonna die. Like Flaubert." She flops her hand over her face. "Don't look at me."

If this isn't Hannah's worst day, I can't even fathom what that would look like. And her parents are at the breaking point: they help her because they have to, because they'd be shitty parents if they didn't. That's why. That's the only reason. Now, her mother is expressing the disappointment and anger, and her father is expressing his pain at seeing his daughter suffer, but you just know both of them are dealing with a weird mixture of the two perspectives and it just sucks for everyone involved.

My tastes in art tend toward the melodramatic, the beautiful, sublime representations of suffering and hardship. That's why I have so much affection for The Borgias. I like big literary emotions and grand narratives, essential conflicts and themes. Blame my European heritage. Europeans like to add beauty to pain because that's how you cope with mid-20th-century Europe: you wrap yourself in your trials and hardships, hold them close, make them big and beautiful, let them make you big and beautiful. Want proof? Go watch any European WWII movie.

We're seeing NONE of that, nothing beautiful, in this show. Hannah's trials and hardships are so unsympathetic because they seem like such non-problems, such first-world problems, that she can't even root her unhappiness in justification. Of course, she tries to root her happiness in justification, which is what makes her seem so selfish.

Her parents, meanwhile, are even sadder. There are two types of parents: those who are proud of their children, and those who are not. The former is "good". The latter is "bad". I'm sure it's horrifying for them to realize that they are in the latter category.

Scene 23:

Hannah wakes in the empty hotel room. Her parents left her behind. She calls fucking room service. Her parents have already checked out; nothing can be added to their bill. The hotel tells her to leave. Her parents left two envelopes on the desk: Hannah and Housekeeping. She takes both. Leaves the empty housekeeping envelope.

She's selfish, but here's the thing: she's ashamed of being dependent, so she arms herself with this layer of selfishness so she can feel like she deserves it. Something people always forget is that it sucks to be a dependent adult. While it makes life easier, it's shameful. People look down on you for it. You look down on yourself for it. You know your parents are not happy or proud to be supporting you, and that hurts. You want to be a self-sufficient adult - you wouldn't be accepting support if you didn't have to - but you can't go down in lifestyle because then you'd be a failure. What if you decided to suck it up and get a shitty job? So now you're in a dead-end job, which is not why you went to college, not the dream your parents had for you.

So you suck it up and turn that shame into rage. And this is how being supported by your parents as an adult makes you into a bad person. 

Scene 24:

An old bum catcalls her very poetically. She's actually flattered at first. Then he gets a bit crazy so she runs across the street.

Oh god, who hasn't been accidentally flattered by an old bum at least once?