The Borgias 2.5, "The Choice"

"God will judge your actions now. So please, if anyone is willing..."

Fuck yeah, this episode!!

This time around, we get to see Rich People Church. Rich people get to sit on chairs. It's much less depressing to watch rich people drop coin into the collection basket.

Suddenly, Lucrezia has a tremendous Signorina Obvious moment during which she realizes that the Church is able to look so shiny and ornate because they leech cash out of the devoted's hands every Sunday. Welcome to consciousness, Lucrezia!

She, Vanossa, and Giulia Farnese are sitting together, the better to facilitate their little womanly tête-à-têtes concerning all things that would ruin the College of Cardinals' day.

Rodrigo is still probing Cesare about the KABOOM. Cesare's still being coy. He dryly cites his Cardinal status as proof of his innocence. Rodrigo, Cesare, and Ascanio Sforza are all wearing their big boy pants today. Ascanio Sforza looks much less vile in his civies.

The current plan: Rodrigo and Cardinal Sforza are road-tripping up to Florence to spy on Uncle Fester/Savonarola and hang out with Frollo/Machiavelli. Cesare's going to Catarina Sforza's castle in Forlì, intending to drag her back to Rome. Cardinal Sforza thinks he's an idiot for going alone. As they go their separate ways, Rodrigo epically roars, "You tell that Lady that if she does not obey Us, we shall reduce her fortunes to dust and DRAG HER IN CHAINS THROUGH THE STREETS OF ROME THE CHOICE IS HERS! TO FLORENCE, AND ITS HERETIC SAVONAROLA!!! BE PREPAAAAAAAAARED!"

As Cesare and Micheletto hike through an idyllic forest (clearly on their way back from a nice wilderness shit), Cesare conversationally asks if Mick knows anyone in Forlì. "I know everyone in Forlì, your Eminence... I was born there." Holy fuck, he's human. Cesare is all of a sudden consumed with a desire to see what Hades-condemned place spawned his psychotic ginger henchman, and holy crap, so am I.

Rodrigo and his buddy Ascanio sneak into Il Duomo under silly black cloaks that scream "We're Important, Stare At Us Please!" Savonarola is doing crowd work, going nuts about that tired old obvious thing about the lavishness of the Papacy while tired/confused Hungarian extras awkwardly wave their hands in his general direction. Della Rovere also slides through the crowd, guided by his boner. The masses kneel as Savonarola starts to pray.

"Fuck the bloody Pope in Rome, my bambino has come home! The Pope in Rome can wipe his ass, I've got my baby back at last!" Jesus jitterbugging Christ, Micheletto's got a proper Italian Mama! And she rhymes too! As Micheletto disentangles himself from her whirling hug, he mutters, "She can go on like this for hours, your Eminence." "Is he eminent?" Mama gasps. "In my own small way," says Cesare evasively. Mama finally "realizes" that Cesare is Micheletto's Dottore! She asks for his name. He says, "Cesare." The only reason I transcribed that bit is because François Arnaud is unreasonably hot when he says "Cesare" and I have no idea why. I've replayed that bit like three times now. Cesare hangs back for a bit until he pieces together Micheletto's whole cover story - that he's studying to be a physician - and then he just lets loose, and it's probably the funniest scene of the whole series so far:

"It takes forever. He has to learn to wields the scalpel. The knife. To find out where the spleen resides, the liver, the heart... And he has but one ambition: to look after his Mama when he's old. He tells me daily, when he wields the scalpel."

"What does he say?"

Cesare holds up the knife, trying to think up something really good. With a downward stroke, and an affectionate grin, and a delicious Italian accent, he coos, "For Mama. This one's for Mama. Next one's for Mama. It's always for Mama." And then he just smiles the smile of a man who's just been gifted SO MUCH material with which to take the piss out of his stony henchman.

Lovingly, Mama wipes Micheletto's chicken-covered hands with a rag. Hey, my Nonna used to do that for me! "Oh, my boy. My sweet, dear, blessed boy. Look at those hands. The hands of a healer!" "A Maestro," Cesare agrees.

Enter a supremely tall, dark AND sexy Italian boy. Augustine, his name is, and he's getting married to Violetta, a town girl - with a lazy eye, Micheletto somewhat nastily remembers, and big hips. "Big childbearing hips," Mama corrects him. There's all sorts of cryptic glances going between the Augustine and Micheletto. With that, Cesare excuses himself, as he has business... "Dottore business?" says Mama excitedly. Cesare smiles sweetly and concedes. "Mama, I must go heal the sick," says Micheletto. Mama makes him promise to return for some bean stew. Micheletto kisses his Mama and storms off. Cesare grabs her into a big shit-eating bear hug.

As they mount their horses, Micheletto apologizes for his mother's delusions. Of which there are many. "She believes her husband died reaping corn in the field." "Your father? And he didn't?" says Cesare, knowing the answer.

"No. I killed him." Of course he did.

All Jedi-like, Della Rovere sneaks up behind Savonarola, who's busy lighting votive candles. Dellaro's fingertips are pressed together in that "I'm wise and wildly untrustworthy" sort of way. "ARE YOU THE CLERIC IN RED?" Savonarola booms without looking up. Then he points out that Dellaro completely screwed the pooch with his deposition plans. Dellaro's like, twitch twitch, enough about that, let's kill him. Savonarola remembers that silly prophesy he made last season, about Rodrigo's syphilitic corpse. Dellaro pledges to make that come true with Savonarola's blessing. While he confusedly tries to keep his lines straight and light candles at the same time like the director told him to, Savonarola gives his way overdramatic blessing: "May the Sword of the Apocalypse, the Sword of Righteousness, ride out like Death on a Pale Horse."

Rodrigo and Cardinal Sforza glance around all shiftily as they walk in totally BAMF-y slo-mo toward the MEDICI PALACE, FLORENCE. It's probably my favourite location reveal so far. Superbly atmospheric. I like that they resisted the urge to do yet another sweeping wide shot of the same old stone turrets.

Piero di Medici is sitting very small in a very large chair behind some very large books under some very large eyebrows, feet up on his desk. He gapes hilariously and scrambles to his feet when he hears the Pope's voice.

Hey look, a sweeping wide shot of stone turrets. But it's actually pretty impressive-looking, because there are cannons peeking out of the battlements of FORLI CASTLE. Cesare muses that Micheletto would be safer at Mama's house. Wouldn't we all.

Forlì Castle is absolutely littered with small fires. That jerk Catarina leads Cesare down the hallway, bragging about her son Benito's military ambitions. Adolescent Benito, who has something Alfonsic about him, asks if Cesare's a soldier - "No, my love, he wears a Cardinal's gown," she says slightly dismissively. That's just water off a duck's back to Cesare now. Anyway, as far as murderous alter-egos goes, "The Cardinal" has a nice ring to it. ALTAR-egos? HA, I crack myself up. Cesare delivers Rodrigo's message/request/ultimatum. Catarina acts mildly shocked, slightly affronted, casually dismissive, and willfully naive all at once. Benito Yes-mans at her elbow. "But there are other forms of obeisance," she says cryptically. "Indeed, my son, there is a form of surrender which implies no submission. It gave birth to you." Benito's confused. Catarina laughs and strokes his face affectionately. "But the Cardinal must know," she continues, "I only kneel when it suits me."

So... what? What's being implied here? Catarina fucked her way out of a bad situation once and gained herself a good strong soldiery son in the process? That seems like a very bad, very stupid, very dangerous way of doing things. But then, Catarina herself is very bad, stupid, and dangerous. Well, not technically stupid. Well, if I were five, I might call her a "stupid-head".

Piero di Medici leads Rodrigo through the sculpture gallery, fretting about the Florentine mob, all of whom have swallowed Savonarola's rhetoric about how silver and gold are byproducts of devilry and a fallen society. "They would reduce all exchange to a state of barter only possible in the Garden of Eden!" Is it weird that I love references to the Renaissance economy? I ranted in a similar vein last episode, but it bears revisiting: I love hearing about how advanced these people were in the boring (economic) aspects, because it gives credence to the impressiveness of the cool stuff, the buildings and clothes and institutions. "What of banks?" says Rodrigo. Piero snorts and hunches over in a pretty cute imitation of Savonarola's oratory posture. "DID Adam need gold coin? Did EEEEEEEVE need a bank? Did CAAAAAAIN charge interest to ABEL?" Um, no, he just killed him. Wait, were we supposed to be on Cain's side this whole time? Savonarola, you dumb shit. Piero plops himself into a chair. Frollo/Machiavelli gives him this "HmmmMMMmmm," which is Latin for "Dude that's the effing Pope you're not allowed to sit while he's standing," and he bounces right back up. Then Rodrigo sits, and they all sit, and Rodrigo stars Latining over the food, and Piero hastily crosses himself. Piero's very nervous and awkward around the Pope. It's subtle, but hilariously effective.

Benito sings medium-well, strutting around like Mick Jagger. "He has the voice of an angel," says Cesare, in the same monotone with which he questioned his eyesight back when he first met the late Ursula Bonadeo. Catarina is maybe a little offended that Cesare doesn't think 14-year-old Benito a fearsome Hannibal. "You must never send this boy to war," says Cesare, because he knows what happens to underage boys on this show.

Exterior, night. "You've come back, Micheletto, to haunt me," says Augustine, sexily. "Must we always meet among old bones?" They're in a cemetery. "You know why," says Micheletto, and they begin to disrobe, all business. "You remember."

"I try to forget," says Augustine.

"You should," says Micheletto. "You are to be married now."

"And you," says Augustine. Both men are totally in the nudey-pants. "Did you try to forget?" Micheletto's back is still slashed up.

"I forget nothing," says Micheletto, running his hands over Augustine's impossibly perfect torso. And then they kiss. And they're absolutely beautiful.

Back at the Forlì castle, Catarina points out a bust of her father Galeazzo, who lost one eye, and then cut off his nose so it wouldn't block his remaining vision. Man, fuck the Sforzas and their weird pride in their own savagery. Catarina reminds Cesare that the Sforzas never surrender. Nor do they kneel, says Cesare.

"Oh, we can kneel, all right, but only willingly," she corrects him, and kneels. He scoffs. She offers her hand, rises, and sends him off to bed.

Cesare keeps one hand on his dagger as he's shown down the hall to the "guest bedroom". It's a large, smokey, ornate room. He's just got his shirt off - hm, allow me to pause at this part and stare for the next half-hour - when Catarina pops out of nowhere. "Indelicate, Cardinal," she purrs. He grabs her and presses a blade into her neck. I'm fairly disgusted with her behaviour. And I'm pretty disgusted with Cesare when he starts kissing her. Catarina grabs the blade and hurls it into the wall. Then she rips off his boots, and we get to see her boobs right through her nighty, and then I stop being disgusted with their behaviour because this sex scene is the hottest thing ever. I'd go so far as to call it the best sex scene of the series. Maybe the hottest sex scene I've ever seen like ever. It's so pretty. I won't talk about it anymore because none of my words could ever do it justice.

While that best sex scene ever is going down, we rejoin the second-best sex scene ever back in the graveyard. Micheletto lies in Augustine's hewen-granite arms, playing their fingers together. Then he snaps, "Your marriage will be a lie", and leaps up to pull his panties back on.

But what is the beautiful Augustine supposed to do? He knows that his lover's work involves no healing, only harming. "Then you must not come to Rome," Micheletto snaps. Augustine's beautiful face crumples; he cries, heroically. Micheletto scoffs.

Dear God, how I love this episode. How I love the way they treated us to quite a lot of Micheletto's backstory, but they allowed us no delusion that this even scratches the surface of what's going on with our dear ginger dog. I can't recall any show ever doing this, ever - a reveal of a character's history that doesn't involve a ponderous expository monologue that would never ever happen in real life. And yet, we're not confused. We have exactly the amount of information we need to get everything. Micheletto's mother is overbearing. Micheletto killed his father. Micheletto had a clandestine lover whom he left behind. Micheletto and his clandestine lover have oceans of secrecy between them, but for right now, we can afford them their privacy. It's enough to know, for now, that Augustine exists, and that Micheletto loves.

And we can obviously trust the writers that a whole Micheletto episode is coming down the line that will positively SLAY us with its awesomeness.

Morning after, and now that the sex scene - did I say "sex scene"? I meant SEXTACY - is over, I can go back to being disgusted by both Catarina and Cesare.

"Those cannon were fake," she purrs, by way of "Good Morning". Cesare puts his penis in her, by way of "Good Morning". Oh, this sex is also really pretty. Damn you, director/actors/DP!

Rodrigo wants to lock Savonarola up in the smelliest dungeon in Rome. He's also really liking the idea of taking Catarina down a notch. Ascanio Sforza laughs good-naturedly at the idea of his cousin's brutal treatment at the hands of his boss. "She's a woman who bears a man's arms," he notes, once again completely underestimating her. The fact that she's a woman who fights is not what's interesting about Catarina Sforza. What's interesting is, she's the most brutal person on the peninsula, and a sexual villain to boot. Dude, all you're doing is adding to her power when you reduce her like that. "We would befriend your cousin," Rodrigo corrects. "We would hold her close and dear."

Cardinal Sforza smirks. "As you hold myself."

Rodrigo pauses, and then grins at him. I think they understand each other. Good acting, Irons and Sullivan. Keep it up.

The Popemobine trundles down a country road, scattering peasants on foot and Oh, hey, Beardy Dellaro on horseback! Dellaro watches the Popemobile go by as though witnessing the scourging of Christ himself; and then, when it passes, he kicks his horse to a gallop and races ahead of it. Now, now, Dellaro, I know you feel bad about your deposition SNAFU, but drag-racing the Pope is not going to help.

Brothel! A lovely nudie young girl grinds prettily atop a somewhat impassive Hungarian extra. Our three Renaissance Women enter, scanning the environment with expressions of mild amusement. "A Cardinal's stocking," notes Vanossa as she plucks a red pantyho from a hook on the wall. A lovely lady snatches it back from her, somewhat miffed. Lucrezia spots a Cardinal in the sack and checks his name off their big board of Cardinal in the Whorehouse Bingo that they would have totally brought with them if they'd thought of it. "Fuck off," he growls, which is not exactly the first thing I would say when discovered in a fuckhouse by my boss's daughter - who is also my current boss in this scenario, come to think of it. And with whom is this Cardinal enjoying his lusty adventure? Why, none other than our Hooker With A Heart Of Gold, Esmeralda herself!

"Well, you've come to the right place," she smarms upon learning that the Renaissance Women are Cardinal-catchers. "They should call this place the Sistine Chapel!" She smacks the Cardinal on the ass as she rolls out of bed.

Lucrezia can't even laugh at the joke, so sad is the comparison. "The floor of the Sistine Chapel sparkles with cleanliness. Here, the Cardinals lie in filth." "As do we, my Lady," says a topless blonde, offering them a drink, which Lucrezia refuses, and Giulia gingerly sets down on a bedside table before dusting off her gloves disgustedly.

They present themselves as the "Committee for the Betterment of the Lives of the Ladies of Rome", which is a nightmare of a name. CBLLR. No good. Upon learning that the Pope is their boss, she gets all helpful and brings them through to meet the Madam.

What I DON'T get is why the Cardinals aren't more impressed by the presence of the Pope's daughter, longtime ex-mistress, and longtime current mistress. And why Esmeralda is not more "Waiiit, that sweet little kid who hung himself in the main square, wasn't he all tied up in your business, Lucrezia Borgia, whose face I have been proven to recognize in very recent episodes?" Is it just that thing about anonymity in the brothel?

The Madam is your standard costume drama Madam, brassy, middle-aged, smeared drag queen makeup and hair, a dress that's giving me serious orange velvet envy. She's like Bernadette Peters-as-15th-century-Madam. 

The Renaissance Women are after names. Cardinal's names. Bernadette Peters is not into it. She's a strong believer in discretion, because her business obviously depends on it. Lucrezia's offer: "That we pay for the refurbishment of your premises. Restore it to cleanliness, comfort... a condition of absolute health." Bernadette Peters seems a little overwhelmed. She turns away, thinking. She glances back at the Renaissance Women. They look almost comically polished in this environment. She giggles, overwhelmed. The Renaissance Women look pretty pleased with themselves.

Brother Giuliano greets Della Rovere in the courtyard of a monastery, where he learns that Savonarola is all over their plan - "Death on a Pale Horse" and all that. Brother Giuliano is still quite skeptical - Swiss Guards and all that - but Dellaro insists there "may yet be a way". Just don't mix it with sugar, eh?

"The Pope is surrounded by a ring of steel," says Dellaro, plagiarizing Brother Giuliano's words from before. "But if we can penetrate that ring, discover his weakness... fornication, food, wine... then I propose we use the weapon the Borgia family uses so effortlessly. Against me, among others: Cantarella." Everyone's like gaaasp.

At dinner chez Forlì, Cesare takes a chance that Catarina won't try to jump him in front of her kid and once again brings up Rodrigo's ultimatum. With much sighing and eye rolling, Catarina moans about how he's put her off her duck, how she hates that Cesare wants to spoil the weekend with politics talk. "'Twould be such a pity," parrots creepy little Sforza-in-Training. Catarina promises an answer at breakfast. "Now, let me show you to your rooms." Cesare rolls his eyes, because for some reason he thinks he can resist psychotic vajayjay. Silly boy.

"Tell me your answer," he insists. She tries to dodge again, but finally, she's just like, "Yeah. Just try to chain me up. Just try." And then she brings up Juan's heroic fuckup against the French, and I'm momentarily taken out of the action as I have a private vigil for David Oakes in my head. 

"You think I appreciate this game of yours?' he snarls as she backs him into a wall. "No," she replies, "but I do. And you did admit, Cardinal, the game is mine. The bed is mine, the choice is mine, and..." She cops a feel. "Mmm. For one more night at least, you may be mine." And then Cesare attacks her face with his lips. You slut, Cesare. You catamite.

Dellaro gives his Domenican brothers a quick seminar on Cantarella Theory while pouring everyone's drink. Anyone who drinks that wine is a total moron. Someone points out that the Pope has tasters. Dellaro's like, Excellent. Ten points for Hufflepuff. Which means... anyone? Anyone? Someone's got to step up. Come on, this is your chance! This is your day! I mean, I would TOTALLY do it myself, but, you know, I'm kind of famous around the Holy See, I'd never go unnoticed...

"Convenient," everyone sneers, and storms out, leaving Dellaro all sad and alone.

More sexual artistry. Oh god, I am but a woman. "You should throw away those Cardinal's robes," Catarina lustily suggests. You know what, though? If we can segue for a moment from the very pretty sex into some brief discussion on Cesare's character, I have to say, I think Cesare's actually made peace with his Cardinalhood. I think he's starting to see the advantages of the position's power, and the many ways he can circumvent the restrictions. After all, there are few women in the world as pious as the late Ursula Bonadeo.

I love that Catarina's a biter.

Back in the Cemetery of Homoerotic Brilliance, Augustine regretfully puts his beautiful foot down. "We cannot meet again." "Why?" Micheletto growls. If I am found in your arms I will be disemboweled and burnt." "It's a cruel world," Micheletto snaps. "Too cruel," Beautiful Augustine agrees.

And Micheletto suddenly grabs him, not with love, but with rage, and bears him to the ground in a vicious choke. "I have killed many men with an embrace such as this," he snarls - notably, that poor schmuck of a cook who added Cantarella to Djem's sugar.

"Did you love them too?" gasps Augustine. Michelotto wrenches his head to the side, forcing him to look at a grave - Micheletto's father's grave. "I loved him too when I held him thus." He pulls Augustine to his feet. "Now you go, and you be married. St. Paul says it's better to be married..." He lays an angry kiss, a fuck-you kiss, on his lips. Augustine fights him. "...Than to burn."

Oh dear god, it's Sforza the Rapist. "You came," says Catarina gratefully, joining him in the hallway, fresh from the bed. "We have a choice, it seems..."

A young Domenican steals through the monastery, which is weird... Maybe he's expecting Peeves to start screeching about STUDENTS OUT OF BED. He finds Dellaro deep in his gardening - such a good little industrious Domenican - and offers himself up for the sacrifice, on the basis that he's completely unknown by absolutely everyone, nobody likes him, nobody cares. Hm... this scene raises the question of how many martyrdoms were actually clumsy suicides disguised as religious devotion. The young monk lowers his hood, letting us take a good look at the next adolescent boy to snuff it on this crazy show. Awwwwww, he's a cutie-pie! 

Unless this will be the one boy who actually doesn't pop off, ironically.

Unless... this is a BORGIA SPY! OH MY GOD, HE TOTALLY IS, ISN'T HE??

Hm. Maybe. Maybe not. Dellaro does not seem to share my suspicion. "I would gladly give my life to rid the world of the Borgia Pope," swears the kid, which really should be setting off alarm bells - definitely sounds like the first flash card in your "How to pose as an anti-Borgia activist" study kit. Della Rovere just wants to make sure he knows what he's in for. "It will be a grisly death," he warns, borrowing a term from dear sweet Chuzzie. I don't think this is the first time on this show that a character has adopted the vocabulary or mannerisms of another character with whom they've shared a significant amount of screen time, which bespeaks a really cool, very true-to-life attention to detail on the part of the writers.

In fact, I don't even think this is the first time Dellaro has adopted someone else's words of mannerisms. Cool character quirk.

Dellaro seems unconvinced of the boy's seriousness. He strides away, leaving him in the garden as it starts to pour. That is a Montreal-style rain, yo. Nothing at all, and  then, RAAAAAAAAIN.

Rich-people church! Rodrigo blesses Communion.

Cesare horks down some breakfast, alone, when Sforza the Rapist comes sauntering around the corner. That wig, man. Sforza concedes that he's here to conference with Cat Sforza about "Your father's proposal." "My father the Pope?" Cesare reminds him. Sforza chews some bread assholishly while quipping, "I can only think of him as the father of that slattern I was tricked into marrying--" "Be careful, Lord Sforza," Cesare intones. Oh, he's so HOT when he's  being threatening.

We're treated to a lovely shot of Rome from across the Tiber. Lightning forks over the city. A full choir sings as Rodrigo administers Communion to his new best friend Ascanio Sforza.

Catarina saunters into the tension of the breakfast room to deliver her answer: "It is No." And then she just sashays away. "My cousin refuses to the basis, to that swine who wears the tiara." There, he says, you have her answer. "Yes, and you will have mine," says Cesare, and then he whips out a dagger and pinions Sforza's dirty rapist hand to the breakfast table. Sforza screams and rips his hand away, leaving a bit of flesh behind. IT'S ON.

Meanwhile, back in Rome, lightning strikes the roof of St. Peter's, sending glass and stone shards over the altar. Those who can, flee towards the door. Rodrigo, however, along with a few altar boys, are trapped.

Cesare has Sforza in a clutch from behind. "I promised my sister your heart," he growls as they struggle, "on a DINNER PLATE."

The whole ceiling is coming down now. I'd grumble about a Pillars of the Earth rip-off, but life's too short. People run. People fall. People get trampled.

Cesare's dagger is right now making peace with Sforza's bronchial tubes, and yet he is taking forever to die. He's making these faces and these noises that are just hilarious, and yet absolutely realistic - probably the most realistic death scene on this show so far. Cesare's got a really awkward angle on the dagger; blood pours over his hand.

Oh shit, people are getting buried! Rodrigo stumbles to the ground. Jesus lies pinned to his cross on the ground a few feet away.

Cesare's gotten bored of waiting for Sforza to bleed out, so he starts stabbing him in his beer gut instead. Sforza fights, coughing blood all over Cesare.

Rodrigo tries to plan an escape. In the background, an altar boy screeches for Rodrigo. "HOLY FATHER!!!"

"I can find no heart," Cesare snarls as blood rains into a puddle on the ground. To be honest, but for the colour of he puddle, it would kind of look like Sforza the Rapist has peed hismelf. Cesare thrusts his dagger deeper and deeper. It's all too reminiscent of the manner in which Sforza consummated his brief marriage to Lucrezia.

"Stay there! Don't move!" Rodrigo hollers at a sweet little altar boy. He examines the roof. "Now go! Run!" The altar boy obeys, but he hesitates a moment too long, and the next stone to fall is aiming for him. Rodrigo cries out with guilt and grief.

Sforza is finally dying when a maid runs in and screams. Cesare bolts. Catarina appears and throws herself over her cousin's body. "No. NO! Guards! Stop him!"

Now Cesare's properly on the run.

Rodrigo finds the altar boy half-pinned under the block. "Help!" he pleads. "Somebody, help!" Cardinal Sforza is just gazing slack-jawed at the destruction around him.

Cesare overturns a suit of armour behind him, sending a guard somersaulting.

Rodrigo manages to extract the whimpering boy, gathering him up into his arms. "Papa," he whimpers (Pope, not Father). "I can't feel my legs..." 

Make that five shows.

Cesare's made it outside. Catarina cries over Giovanni's dead (HURRAH!) body. Cesare screams for Micheletto and mounts the horse mid-gallop. They escape through the closing city gates as crossbow arrows pepper the ground around them.

Rodrigo races down the aisle towards the door, holding the altar boy in his arms. "Papa," gasps the boy, and dies. (Another young boy bites the dust.) Rodrigo halts in his tracks. "Oh, no..." He kneels, clutching the boy's head to his chest. Cardinal Sforza fishes a communion wafer out of the rubble as Rodrigo hastily delivers an Ego te absolvum, and collapses into tears.

When Cesare feels like he can breathe, he suggests they split off, but not before giving Micheletto his bloody dagger to take to Lucrezia. That's pretty grim - I guess he assumes that if one of them lives, it'll probably be Micheletto.

"There are others alive in there," calls Rodrigo to the assembled gawkers as he finally emerges from St. Peter's, the altar boy limp in his arms. A nun runs up and takes the boy. "So, if anyone is willing..."

"It is the judgment of God!" Vesucci protests.

"But God will judge your actions now," Rodrigo cries, and for once, he's right. "So, please, if anyone is willing..." And without waiting for volunteers, he turns and runs back into the quagmire.

Sitting hunched against a tree, Cesare finally allows himself a moment to take it all in. He stares at his hand - it's clean, but only in the literal sense.

Rodrigo sits amongst the rubble of the Cathedral, which has a new skylight, as men  extract the bodies. Cardinal Sforza approaches. "Was it a sign from God?" he begs. Sforza gently insists that it was a bolt of lightning, though he doesn't necessarily say "no". "We must atone... for our... sins," he weeps. "Fasting... and prayer..."

"For how long?" asks Cardinal Sforza distastefully.

"'Til he... smiles on us... again."

Because, you see, Rodrigo Borgia is a good man. He's a little selfish, and he's way too ambitious, and his Mama certainly did not raise him right when it comes to treating his lady well, and he will mercilessly fuck with all those who would be fucked with, but he has nothing but the utmost respect for innocence. He is brave, and, unlike so many of his colleagues, when he looks upon the world, he sees it for what it truly is.

And what a beautiful episode this was. This season is just churning them out like BANG, BANG, BANG. I'm so glad I chose this show to recap.