The Borgias Ep. 7, Death, on a Pale Horse - Review

"Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you!"

-King Charles

Ah, Death on a Pale Horse - the episode we've all been waiting for. Or should I say, the episode SHOwtime (is that how I'm meant to spell it now?) insists we've all been waiting for. The episode foreshadowed by Rodrigo's metaphors and by Alfonso screaming "CARNAGE" right through his nose. And carnage there was. Right there on the screen. The director pointed to his diorama entitled "Carnage" and helpfully explained, "This is carnage."

Sarcastic enough? ...well. I can't put my finger on why, exactly, the carnage was not carnage-y enough for me. There were certainly all the requisite elements of carnage. Indeed, they went above and beyond, in terms of the carnage-ees; I can't recall ever seeing children being war-carnaged before. Perhaps it's because I watched the episode immediately following a particularly "greesly" episode of Game of Thrones. Maybe it was the lack of proper gore; maybe their method of "here, grab this child securely but safely, turn him away from the camera, swing your sword and simultaneously spray the bloodpack; we'll do the rest in foley" was simply too easy for me.

So I thought about other historical drama series battles, ones that had made me sit up and go OOOH SHIT. Ones that were packed with carnage and plenty grisliness. Ones that took place in the sixth episode of the second series, entitled Philippi, of a show that remains my favourite to date, Rome.

The technical similarities outweigh the differences, I think, but this I know: in Rome's Battle of Philippi, the forces colliding were spawned in the very first episode of the first season; this was a culmination of eighteen episodes of growing and floor-crossing and back-stabbing and clinging on the part of every character. We knew the leaders on both sides. We loved the leaders on both sides. And we hated them. We had both loved and hated them and loved them more for it, and we couldn't pick sides because they were both right and both so, so wrong. And we knew the outcome, but in that moment, we could hope for divine intervention.

Well, we (and I'm speaking in the royal "we", the Rodrigo "we") know Della Rovere only slightly better than any speaking Cardinal on this show, and we love him even less. We can feel mild pity for him, but no more than the show will allow, and since the show has pushed towards this carnage from the beginning, we are allowed very little. And yes, I loved King Charles in The French King, but I didn't love him love him, you know, not enough to make his actions this episode any more exciting than "Oh look, he's crazy, that's interesting." And we knew diddly-squat about Lucca, and less about the Luccans. And yes, Show (SHOw), we saw what you did, with the old ladies and little girls. Try again. It'll take more than a bunch of jogging Hungarian extras to get me misty-eyed.

I realize this review was entirely about the battle sequence. Sorry.