The Borgias Ep. 2, The Assassin - Recap

Ok, there's literally no indication as to where the first episode ends and the second begins, so this is how it's gonna have to be. Enjoy.

Jeremy Irons will wear his hood indoors if he damn well pleases.

Back at Casa di Borgiakids, Vanossa is watching a sleeping Lucrezia somewhat mournfully, which looks a bit like a vigil at first glance, which is scary. Outside, scary dudes are climbing a ladder. Rosso, whose name we learn now is Michelotto, charges forward. Everyone's all happy to see him. He asks if he's too late, and then, without further ado, stabs the shit out of the guy at the base of the ladder. Everyone starts running in all directions. Cesare cuts off one of their escapes. Michelotto guts the guy from behind.

Back at the late Orsini's, Juan charges up the stairs, followed by a bunch of soldiers, screaming at no-one in particular to get out of his way. In the ruined dining room, the remaining cardinals are on their knees. He tells them to pray somewhere else and orders his men to arrest the servants.

Michelotto hastily drags the bodies around on the ground. Cesare stonily asks if he planned it. Michelotto scoffs that if he'd planned it, Cesare would be down a hot sister to fantasize about. Actually, I think Michelotto's overestimating himself; it took Cesare like two seconds to figure out the plot back in the banquet hall and stop him. All of it was Orsini's doing, and Orsini, as we know, had no business handling his own fork and knife let alone an onslaught. Della Rovere had nothing to do with it. Now Michelotto is masterless, like a "stray dog". Which sounds a little desperate. Cesare's like "yeahhh, I don't so much go for keeping active bombs under my pillow." Then he goes, "Your name, sweet assassin." Odd thing to say. Michelotto introduces himself, but he pronounces it more "Micheletto", which is weird, because I checked both IMDb and Wikipedia for the spelling, but whatevvver. Cesare orders him to dump the bodies in the Tiber and meet him at the Vatican gate in two hours to talk business. A show's just not a show if there's not bodies being dumped in the Tiber.

Vanossa freaks out a little at seeing Cesare in her house, for some reason. He freaks her out further by talking about his vision of such things as "blood-spattered throats". He asks about Lucrezia. Even Vanossa's like "You're worrying a tad too much, it's starting to freak me out not in a 'do you know something I don't' way, more of a 'my son is an obsessive potential incest monkey' way." He claims he'd die if anything happened to her, and I think he's being serious. Anyway, there's a guard around the house.

Next he runs around looking for Rodrigo, finds him sitting too close to the fireplace, and is just about to get into it when Rodrigo's like "SHUT UP, CARDINAL ALERT." Della Rovere is sitting in the corner, wondering very loudly who could possibly be responsible for his sidekick's demise. First step: who had a motive? Cesare's like "What are you implying?" Nothing of course, because Della Rovere's never implied a damn thing in his life. Not. "I'm merely offering his holiness any help I can in unmasking the culprit." I feel like the more someone finds it necessary to say "merely", the more precedent you have for throwing them out the window. Then in storms Juan, dragging Michelotto behind him - "We have Orsini's household staff in irons." Apparently Juan caught Michelotto skulking outside the gates. Michelotto's really bad at this. Cesare plays it incredibly cool, throwing Michelotto forward and asking if anyone recognizes him. One of Michelotto's nostrils is like so much bigger than the other. "Didn't he pour the wine?" asks Rodrigo. Della Rovere somewhat too vehemently only remembers him from Orsini's table, "but beyond that, nothing!!!!!!!!!!!" Juan proposes some sort of tongue-loosening method and Rodrigo's like, do what you gotta do. So he does.

Juan is being a bit too rough with our dear Rosso. Why does anybody want to be an assassin if this is the kind of work environment you can expect? Juan mock-frets over whether to flay him tonight or at dawn, which is not as clever a line as the writers thought it would be. Then he kicks Mickey in the face. Mickey looks up and says calmly, "I pity you your dilemma, my lord." So Juan punches him in the face. Then Cesare happens by and offers to take him off Juan's hands. Juan's jabs him more for being a cleric. Cesare looks like he wants to knee Juan in the face, so he knees Michelotto in the face instead and drags him into the torture chamber. I'd feel sorry for Michelotto but I'm half-convinced he's not bothered. Once they're alone and there's a locked grate separating them from the rest of the house, Cesare hauls him to his feet and starts undoing his manacles. "Would you have talked?" "Only to sing your praises, my lord," says Michelotto robotically. Cesare orders him to lie low for a day while he himself spreads word that Orsini's servant couldn't be broken, and then go to Della Rovere and gain his trust. "Then you must hurt me," he instructs even as he tries not to swallow his own nose. Cesare goes, "Haven't I hurt you enough?" Awwwww. But apparently not. Besides, Michelotto's heard that Della Rovere has "an interest in the male torso." Ooer. "And even I cannot convincingly whip myself." Mark your calenders, gents: we have officially learned something unperverted about a character on this show. I have a feeling that will be the last.

So Michelotto balances himself on the rack, Cesare whips him. "Harder." Whips him again. "Harder, my lord." Cesare finally gets a good rhythm going, and between lashes, spells out a very specific threat should Michelotto ever betray him. According to Mickey, it is not in his interest to betray him. I think the weird thing about Michelotto is that he's got a big forehead and eyes and a tiny mouth and chin, so he looks kind of like an alien. Mickey's back is starting to look like ground beef.

Back to Rodrigo, looking all concerned. Cesare appears at the end of the hall. Rodrigo booms, "You have something to tell me? About the night's events?" Cesare vows to protect his father and his family with his life, if need be. Rodrigo concedes that the Borgias are masters at The Game, but "we draw the line at murder. Do we not?" He raises a threatening finger. First Jeremy Irons character who would draw any sort of line, I think. Cesare points out that Orsini drew no such line. "I see," says Rodrigo, wondering if he should be ok with it. But, back to business. We're now a Cardinal down, and oh, by the by, Chezz, you're about old enough to be a Cardinal. Rodrigo plays with his old Cardinal's cap. "This red signifies that you are ready to spill your blood for the Christian faith." Cesare's like "That's where I draw the line" and makes to leave, but Rodrigo snatches his wrist. "ARE YOU READY TO SPILL YOUR BLOOD?" he spits. Cesare's like I believe I just said I was, for my family, and here's a suggestion, give me control of the armies. Rodrigo's like "No, simpleton, that's not how it works. And Lucrezia must marry. And you can marry her. As Cardinal." So just like that, practically in one breath, he's gone and spelled out the next episode at least.

Chez Della Rovere. Michelotto's standing all sad-like in front of Della Rovere, who's not wearing his cap, showing off Colm Feore's sexy male pattern balding. "And they tortured you for how long?" "A day and a night, your eminence." I would say that Michelotto's playing at PTSD, but I think he's just like that. Della Rovere pulls his shirt clean off him and whispers, "Behold the man." Keen interest indeed. The lash marks look more like a palm leaf than they did before. "They scourged our savior thus." That does not seem to comfort MIchelotto. So it is rumoured, apparently, that Orsini inadvertently poisoned himself (which shows just how much the rest of the world thought of his intelligence). Who inherits his properties, Michelotto asks. "Borgia." "Well then." Della Rovere asks him what he's up to. Michelotto sneers, "Like you, I hate this... Borgia." Which is obviously a lie, given how kind and accommodating Cesare has been. Della Rovere begins halving a lemon. He needs someone he can trust, he says. Don't they all. He squeezes one of the lemon halves all over the lashes. Either it's a primitive treatment, or Giuliano Della Rovere is the biggest. Dickhole. Ever. "I can trust these wounds of yours," he says, and I honestly don't know what that means. Says Michelotto, "They will last for a lifetime." Della Rovere orders him to assemble a secret meeting of every Borgia-hating Cardinal.

Vatican. An elegant lady dismounts from a carriage alone and heads into the church. She slips into the confessional and, in her deliciously throaty voice, thanks Rodrigo for agreeing to take her confession. She has committed some sin that only the Pope can forgive - only the most grave, among them, as Cesare taught us earlier, murder. The Britiliciousway she says "Your Holiness" - pardon me, "Yuh Hewliness" - both delights me and drives me up a wall. So, her husband is a disgusting lech, as she emphasizes in many colourful ways. But, she has not denied him her... uh... "wifely duties." "Then I fail to discern the sin," says Rodrigo. Wait, cold-fishing is a sin so extreme only the Pope can forgive it? You guys, the Renaissance is weird. So this chick found herself knocked up, and the thought of the man's offspring inside of her own personal womb so revolted her that she put an end to her pregnancy. Wait, she did it herself? And she's still walking around!?HOW? Wait, no, I don't want to know. Wait, actually I really do. Rodrigo takes a sharp intake of breath. She begs him to pray for her forgiveness. Their eyes meet through the grill and Rodrigo looks away quickly. He asks if her husband knows. He knows nothing; he's out of town, and they're basically separated. Chaste? "I have no-one," she says sadly, although that could mean anything. He suggests sending her to rejoin her husband for her penitence. She would rather die. So get thee to a nunnery, he suggests. She wonders if she could find peace in God's love. "It is what we must do," he says, getting a little worked up. Then he sighs, "Giulia Farnese," which I guess is her name. I think she's beginning to bargain when she tells him she is young, and her "body could give much happiness" yet. Ew. So they get down to brass tacks - she swears she repents her sin, he tells her to fast "from matins to evensong, and flagellate your naked body twice nightly." WAIT, THAT WAS A THING? Knotted cord, she asks? No, cord of silk - destroying her beauty would only "compound" her sin. Latinlatinlatin. He calls back to her just as she's leaving and promises to find her some temporary home, since we certainly can't allow a blueblood to go destitute. She nods and leaves, I guess to work out the details with his secretary. Then he leans back, extremely unsatisfied.

Conspiracy time! Several Cardinals are assembled Chez Rovere. Michelotto leaves. Ugh these scenes are so very trying. Ok. First Della Rovere gives everyone shit for voting in Borgia. Then he "forgives" them.

Rodrigo shows Giulia Farnese into Orsini's palace, still in disarray, offering it as an ideal place for "penitence" and "self-reflection". He perches, pulls up his cowl, and stops talking. He looks like the Ghost of Christmas Goddamn Future.

Della Rovere is doing his thing. Simony simony simony, everything about Borgia sucks.

Rodrigo shows Giulia into a tunnel, which leads into the Vatican. He extends an open invitation for whenever she needs company or spiritual comfort, day or night. Is that Latin for sex? He's about to leave, but she reminds him that the passage goes both ways, and she will be glad to welcome him for "company or spiritual comfort, day or night" also.

Yay, it's Michelotto walking along with Nerdo McPious! The latter is not thrilled to be summoned in the dead of night. Michelotto leads Nerdo into Della Rovere's chamber, who greets him as "Dottore" and dismisses Michelotto. He needs advice on the deposition of a Pope. Delicate and dangerous, says Dr. McPious.

Rodrigo is all shaky and kneely in front of an altar of unlit candles. His holy restraint fails him and before you can say "horny old man" he is stomping down the passageway to Giulia Farnese's. She's sitting all lovely and slender and naked, flagellating herself behind the sheer bed curtains. He orders her to stop. She pulls him forward onto the bed. They Spider Man kiss and man, is Jeremy Irons ever old.

But jokes on them, because, in the translated words of Dr. McPious, "The Pope who publicly fornicates, publicly keeps a concubine, can be deposed." SCHWING! Busted! But one would need firm evidence. Giulia, DRYCLEAN THAT DRESS.

Giulia asks who's bed she's sleeping in. "A Cardinal and a fool." While Rodrigo lambasts Orisini, Giulia No-Tits crawls toward him and whispers that Rome needs him. He grabs her hair and whispers how beautiful she is through clenched teeth. "I would have you painted."

And then he totally does. Lucrezia peeks at the setup around a column and then glides in to watch closer, wearing Buttercup's dress from the I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU scene. "She's beautiful," she says. And she can hear you, ditz. "More beautiful than your painting." "I've just begun," the painter protests. Lucrezia points out where he could improve. Then she goes, "Who is she?" "Giulia Farnese," says Giulia kind of abruptly, "at your service." Lucrezia asks why she's being painted. The Pope commissioned it. And from this angle we can see the painting, and yes, it's terrible, in that it's a charcoal sketch of her most basic proportions and he hasn't even added her lips yet. Lotte Verbeek, can I just say, is CRAZY-LOOKING from this angle - "high forehead" doesn't begin to describe this girl, and I don't know if it's how they did her hair or what, but her head looks like it's three feet across. Anyway. Lucrezia wants to be painted. Giulia gladly commissions it herself. Lucrezia strokes the baby goat in Giulia's lap and asks why it's there, why, why, why, jesus tapdancing christ this girl. The painter goes "It will become a unicorn!" with a self-deprecating little flourish of the brush. Lucrezia demands her own unicorn, "or even better, a seahorse." Then she stands right in between the painter and the subject and demands to "lie on a bed of seashells with a seahorse in my lap". There's a note in her voice that tells me she might be kidding. But that's probably wishful thinking on my part. Giulia points out her seahorse necklace for comparison (wow what are the chances of that) and Lucrezia's all delighted. And I seriously have to transcribe this exchange because it's either genius or moronic. "You must have it then." "I can?" "It's a gift, from Giulia to Lucrezia." "Can I kiss you then?" "Only if we are to be friends." "We are friends already." So she kisses Giulia Farnese on the cheek. And thus they are bosom buddies.

Later, Vanossa is tucking Lucrezia into bed. Lucrezia shares the exciting news of her The Little Mermaid portrait and her new friend Giulia. "Who?" asks Vanossa. "Giulia Farnese's having her portrait painted?" "By Pinturicchio. Papa comissioned it." Vanossa tries not to vomit and slaps on a brave face. She asks if Giulia's as beautiful as the rumours. Lucrezia says Rodrigo thinks so. She's dumb enough to say that, but smart enough to amend it with, "A different type of beauty to yours, Mama." Vanossa asks where she met her. "In Papa's rooms, in the Vatican." Vanossa blows out the light.

Next we see her blasting open big wooden double doors as a pair of Vatican guards protest weakly. She's on a rampage. She's throwing Rodrigo's words back in his face. The Cardinals are all shocked and offering to give them a moment. She chases Rodrigo across the hall, screaming about Farnese, and then she's hitting him! Actually! Not getting very far, of course, because even though she's twenty years his junior easy, he keeps getting her hands in a clinch, and she screams that she banished her husband for him, and finally he grabs her and screams that she's still more important to him. "WHY HER?" "SHE WAS IN NEED!" He looks like a demon where I paused it. Kind of Pope Ratzinger around the eyes. "YOU WERE DESTITUTE ONCE!" Cardinals all swarm down a narrow corridor like there's a goddamn fire. It's not a fire; it's Cesare. "OUT," he screams.

Vanossa and Rodrigo are sitting and panting and somewhat calmer. His hand is on her knee. They make a new understanding: she'll keep her peace, but won't be humiliated, whatever that means. Oh, it means she gets a portrait too by Pinturicchio. Rodrigo's like "expensive". She's like "figure it out, your damn toilet seat could probably go for six figures on ebay. And make sure he does me justice. I was beautiful once." "You still are," he slimes as he shoves his hand in her crotch for no reason. She yanks it out. Cold fish alert. At least she's got the Pope as her confessor.

A little page boy rubs down Della Rovere's red stockinged feet. Actually. A fairly androgynous kid stands by, waiting for the shift change I guess, and Michelotto skulks by the door. Della Rovere's caught wind of Giulia Farnese's current location and duties, and by "wind" I mean "the wounded wails of Vanossa." He sends Michelotto off to collect cold hard evidence of lechery, fornication, publicato habit concubinum, which I think is Latin for "spunk-stained duvet".

Cesare does a little bit of mid-hallway business and then rounds a pillar to find Michelotto skulking like a champ. Mickey brings him up to speed on Della Rovere's nefarious duties, including his current pursuit of catching Rodrigo in flagrante delicto. Cesare immediately whisper-guffaws and incredulously goes "Lechery? My father?" I mean... is he kidding? Posturing for Michelotto's benefit? Who does anything for Michelotto's benefit? Also, can we talk about this weird thing that happens to François Arnaud's face when he smiles, how his generous nose turns his face into a cone? It shouldn't be as hot as it is. He asks if there's evidence, and Michelotto reveals that he's working his ass off to get it, if getting little boy foot rubs counts as "working his ass off". So Cesare suggests they find it first, and "silence it before it speaks". I kind of want to see Cesare stab Giulia Farnese.

Later, Rodrigo and Cesare have a gander at a tapestry while Rodrigo talks about Vanossa's freak-out. It's almost sweet, how concerned he is, until he asks Cesare to please "do what you can to keep her out of here". Which is disgusting, unless he's halfway through wrapping a big present for her and he doesn't want her to see it? Fat chance. Cesare asks him to please be discreet, and then brings up the plots against him, but Rodrigo dismisses it with "What would Rome be without a good plot." I don't know, you tell me, since you seem to be the one behind most of them. Half the cardinals are against him; he sort-of jokingly suggests they get more cardinals. Then Chezz pulls out what I assume is the kicker: "Johannes Burchart [Dr. McPious] has been asked for an opinion... on your deposition." Dun dun dun!

Back in Casa Farnese, a maid makes a bed while Michelotto resolutely does not look at her for some reason. She agrees to speak of certain things for a price. Michelotto assures her she'll get paid, but if I were her I'd start running. The music agrees with me. She tells him that the things she's seen would shock an "abrasive courtesan." "No need to shock a courtesan, is there?" he responds. Exactly! Leave the damn courtesans alone! "Abrasive Cardinals, perhaps." He leaves and she looks all disappointed, although I don't know why, since she's still alive and that's much more than I expected from this scene.

Rodrigo walks up a row of carrels. Dr. McPious is poring over a document. Rodrigo confronts him about the judgement he gave, and Dr. McP gets up and starts bowing and defending himself. Rodrigo has a question of his own, concerning the expansion of the College of Cardinals. "It is the Pope's perogative to appoint who he wishes." Awesome, so everyone gets to be a Cardinal! And YOU get to be a Cardinal! And YOU get to be a Cardinal! "How many Cardinals did His H have in mind?" How many needed to secure a majority? "Oh dear." Indeed. Well, you know about the plots against "us", you could even be considered part of it. "But it's, like, my job to give opinions..." "So do your job, Peter Pettigrew." "Why would you call me that? I played Kreacher." "But you look about a thousand times more suited to the part than Timothy Spalding. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Answer the question." "Baker's Dozen, I would say?" Wait, people actually say/said that? Or is he just being cute? Well, apparently you can't just appoint that many without a precedent. "Find one," says Rodrigo's scary waggling finger.

Conspiracy time. Della Rovere introduces Michelotto and the maid. Mick brings her in quite roughly. Aaaaand I'm confused. Is Michelotto going to be this show's Severus Snape? "I needed to let them banish your father to Norway or I would have blown my cover!" "You idiot!" "Don't worry, we can get him back!" "Maybe, but I can't help feeling that it would have been easier to just kill the maid!" "You would have me kill a young innocent woman? What kind of feminist are you?" "I checked my feminism at the door when I decided to be a Renaissance clergyman! You're fired." "You can't fire me! You need me!" "...All right. But this is your last chance."

Ahem. Where were we?

"And now my dear, tell us what you've witnessed." The maid spills about the existence and use of the passage. "He enters her bedroom while she chastises herself... and... I blush to even describe what happens next." "Spare us nothing." And, very subtly, a few of the cardinals in the peanut gallery slide their hands down their pants. Kidding. They're not wearing pants.

Back in the sunny courtyard, Lucrezia's bitching about the lack of seashells and a seahorse while Giulia Farnese fixes her hair, utterly ignorant to the happenings of the last scene. She reminds Lucrezia that she has a seahorse, the necklace she gave her, but Lucrezia wants a real one. If I knew a fourteen-year-old girl who acted like this I would do her mother a favour and slap the shit out of her myself. "But seahorses are tiny, my love," she says patiently. that distracts Lucrezia for a moment. "Am I your love?" "I would dearly love you to be." "My mother hates you." Rude. But true. And fair. Giulia instructs her that, as women, we are so impotent that they can only hate each other, but, girl power, we should stick together and hate - who? "Men?" asks Lucrezia. Giulia regretfully sighs that it's in a woman's nature to love them. I hereby predict future mad lesbianing, either between them two together, or them two with other women. Anyway, the sum total of Giulia's lecture is that women should protect themselves as much as possible, and life is short anyway. Lucrezia suddenly realizes she's being taught, and Giulia offers to take that role. Next, Lucrezia wants to know what "weapons" she has with which to protect herself. First beauty, which Giulia insists can be deadly when well used, but it is temporary. Then, if/when that fails, wit and intelligence. "And I have those weapons?" asks Lucrezia. In abundance, Giulia thinks. Well, Lucrezia's certainly keeping a tight lid on one of those weapons for the time being, and it's not her beauty. Giulia tells her to start sharpening her tools because she'll probably be married soon, and we all know that Giulia's had only the most awesome marriage experience in the world.

Cesare and Michelotto pace across a gloomy set, chatting about their star witness - certainly beautiful - and whether they could get her to take a vow of silence, presumably instead of imposing a vow of silence on her. I hope it's the latter; I haven't seen a good glossectomy since Rome. Cesare wonders if God would forgive them; Mick doesn't know. I do! The answer is, yes! The Pope, remember? Confessor? Bah.

Vatican. Rodrigo lazily gives a decree on when and where bullfighting may be practiced within the Vatican walls. "And fuh-hinally," he vamps, "the main business."

Chez Rovere. Michelotto hurries two betunicked servants through the halls, ordering them to clear the house of staff for Della Rovere's day of meditation - peace and silence. Well, I think Mick can guarantee the latter. He does the same with the kitchen staff, who are only too happy to comply, leaving a table full of food that I can't imagine will keep for much longer. Nobody's questioning him at all; he didn't even bother to dress the part. I mean, at least yank one of the grooms behind a bush and steal his clothes. Meticulous indeed.

Still reclining, like this announcement is no big thang, he announces his ("our") decision to expand the College of Cardinals, "in view of the crippling workload placed upon it by the restructuring of the affairs of the Holy Mother Church." Yeah, I've heard that before. He says "Thirteen" and everyone's like rabblerabblerabble. Cardinal Nose leaps to his feet. Then Rodrigo changes his tune entirely and growls that they've judged it necessary given the enemies that have "wormed" their way into their midst. Della Rovere smirks and bellows that he's for sure going to pick a bunch of his favourites. Cesare glumly takes notes. "I accuse His Holiness of--" "Ohhhhh," Scar moans, "what are we now accused of?" "OF BREAKING THE LAW!" "Oh," says Rodrigo, suddenly perkier, "But we have taken advice from the most eminent of our canon lawyers. I call Dr. Nerdo McPious to the stand." Dr. McP scuttles in with a stack of books that's bigger than he is.

Chez Rovere, Michelotto leads the witness maid into the kitchen and offers her a piece of fruit. RUN. AWAY. She asks for a peach. He takes a big slurpy bite out of it and hands it to her. Ewww. She eats it for some reason. I'm kind of fond of Mick, but I feel like the inside of his mouth has got to smell like a dead animal. "I like peach," she says all sexylike. She offers him another bite. "Eat it all," he says. So I'm guessing somewhere on the surface of the peach there's a big black "X" labelled "Smear Poison Here".

Back at the Vatican, Dr. McP rifles through a volume and mumbles about "chapter himina himina section bloop part schwing" and Rodrigo's like "In brief, I pray..." So Dr. McP obligingly reveals that yes, the Pope is certainly the Pope in this matter, but Della Rovere stands up and asks him if he wants to go, right here, right now, ya chicken, bok bok bok.

Chez Rovere. With much grunting and slapping and squeezing, Michelotto fucks the crap out of the witness maid, asking if he's doing it like the Pope does it. She's like "But of course, unh, unh, unh!"

Dr. McP starts listing off the various Bishops to be promoted. Bishop of Luca, Bishop of Naples, "The Bishop of Valencia, his grace Cesare Borgia, will be named Cardinal Borgia." RABBLERABBLERABBLE! You guys, he's sitting right there. Della Rovere just starts pointing and laughing. Then he stands and pulls out his trump card: "I warn you, I have evidence that would bring this house crashing down around your ears... of lechery. Transgressions both public, and notorious," he bellows, shaking his finger in the air. Rodrigo raises his eyebrows. "Why then, Cardinal, you must present it." "I WILL!" he screams, bows, horks a loogie, and swishes himself right out of there. Dr. McP scrunches his shoulders up around his ears, hides behind his list, and continues with the Bishop of Lyons.

More fucking, and they're still talking about the Pope. Della Rovere runs into his empty, dark house. "A candle, if you please?" he calls. "Where is everyone?" You guys, I think he's afraid of the dark. He kneels by his bed, strangely vacant of either the maid or Michelotto, and prays for strength. He leans forward and something squishes. He looks at his hands. Covered in blood. Gasp. Finally he looks up and BAM, dead girl, with nails-on-chalkboard orchestration to match! "Guards!" he screams, sprinting out of his room. "Somebody! Anybody!" Run. Run away, Giuliano, and never return. Michelotto listens, pressed against a wall.

In the light, and surrounded by soldiers, Cesare peels the bloody sheet of the dead maid. "Was the Cardinal known for lechery?" he asks Michelotto. Discrete, he replies, such that he asked him to clear the house of servants. He must have had lecherous intentions, Cesare reasons. Well, he's fled, says Michelotto, so he should draw his own conclusions. Cesare decides to be discrete, whatever that means. But why kill her? To keep her silence, perhaps? "Whom can one trust in this realm of ours?" sighs Cesare. "I believe trust must be earned, my lord." "Perhaps," says Cesare confidently. He grabs the back of Michelotto's neck. "Perhaps it has been." He presses their foreheads together, gives a smoldering soldier's glare, claps him on the shoulder, and strides off, leaving Michelotto staring at his back with a completely unreadable expression.

And, fin. That took fucking forever.